Do you know your family’s love language?
The concept of "love languages" is a framework that helps people to better understand how they, their partner and children feel most loved and appreciated. Each of us has a preference - do you know yours?
Some people feel most loved if someone actually tells them - they need to hear the words spoken. But other people feel loved by being physically touched, receiving a hug or a kiss. But some of us only feel someone really cares about us if we can see it demonstrated, even if the act is something simple such as emptying the dishwasher or making a cup of tea.
Even very young children tend to have a preference - some like lots of hugs and cuddles but others don’t really like to be touched and prefer to talk about things, often asking lots of questions as they need to hear your words. Knowing each other's love languages can improve communication, reduce misunderstandings and deepen emotional connections between all members of the family.
Here are the five different types of love languages and some examples of how to use them:
Words of Affirmation:
Encouraging words: Offering praise and acknowledgement for accomplishments and efforts reinforces a sense of self-worth and builds confidence.
Affectionate expressions: Saying "I love you," "I'm proud of you," or "You're special to me" regularly reminds them of your love and strengthens your connection.
Positive feedback: Acknowledging their strengths, talents, and unique qualities helps them feel appreciated and accepted for who they are.
Quality Time:
Undivided attention: Setting aside dedicated time without distractions like phones or television shows them they are valued and important to you.
Shared activities: Engaging in activities they enjoy, whether it's playing games, going for walks, or reading together, creates opportunities for bonding and meaningful interactions.
Physical Touch:
Affectionate gestures: Offering hugs, kisses, cuddles, or gentle pats on the back communicates warmth, love, and a sense of security.
Physical play: Engaging in activities like dancing can be fun ways to connect and bond through touch.
Comforting touch: Providing physical comfort when they're upset or hurt, such as holding them close, hugging and stroking, helps soothe emotions and reinforces your presence as a source of loving support.
Acts of Service:
Helping with tasks: Assisting children with homework and school projects, or sharing household chores not only lightens the load but demonstrates your willingness to support and care for the important people in your life.
Meeting their needs: Anticipating and fulfilling their practical needs, like preparing meals, packing lunches, or helping kids get ready for bed, shows them that you're attentive and invested in their well-being.
Accompanying them: Attending doctor's appointments, or special events demonstrates your commitment to being present and involved in their lives.
Gifts:
Thoughtful gestures: Giving gifts that reflect their interests, preferences, or current needs shows them that you pay attention to their likes and dislikes and care about their happiness.
Occasional surprises: Surprising them with unexpected tokens of affection, even small ones like a favourite snack or handwritten note, can brighten their day and make them feel loved.
Symbolic gestures: Gifts can serve as tangible reminders of your love and thoughtfulness, creating lasting memories and strengthening your emotional connection over time.
By understanding and incorporating these love languages into your interactions with family members, you can cultivate a deeper bond and contribute to creating a loving and supportive environment for everyone to thrive in.
About the Author
Alicia Eaton is a Harley Street based psychotherapist specialising in helping families with behaviour change and emotional wellbeing. She is also the author of four best-selling books and a Winner in the ‘Global Health & Pharma’ Mental Health Awards 2023 and 2024. For more details of appointments see here: Consultations.