How to help your teen manage anxiety

Looking after your teen’s mental wellbeing has become a challenge for many parents and it can be hard to know what to do for the best. Feelings of worry and anxiety tend to build up in the body and may not always be easy to spot but keep an eye out for an increase in the following:

- angry outbursts and sibling fights

- tearful episodes

- inability to concentrate or follow instructions

- cravings for sweet foods and snacks

- nail-biting, hair-pulling or bedwetting

- nightmares and difficulty in falling asleep

The right parenting approach when it comes to teen anxiety

As a parent, it’s natural to feel you should step in to fix every problem but trying to come up with an immediate solution could see you fall into the trap of ‘fire-fighting’ parenting – and that’s exhausting! A better approach is to think about creating the right kind of supportive home environment that will reduce overall anxiety levels, as this often allows the individual problems to sort themselves out. 

School children are naturally creatures of habit and they’re used to having their life timetabled for each day of the week.  Without this structure around them, they can start to flounder and feel lost.  As much as teenagers might like to think they crave new experiences and adventure, most of them thrive much better with familiarity and routine.

Creating a ‘home timetable’ will enable you to create regular routines that will lower stress levels and help keep a lid on emotions. Here are some examples:

1. Hold a weekly family review meeting

   This may sound rather formal but it’s possible to turn this event into a fun one - think less ‘boardroom’ and more cosy chat under a tree in the garden, for example. Good family communication is the key to raising resilient kids and having weekly scheduled group chats will encourage everyone to express their feelings of anxiety or uncertainty, in a more verbal way. It takes practice to do this, but over time you’ll find that your teen can effectively describe how they’re feeling and less likely to throw an angry tantrum. Reassure everyone that it’s natural to feel out of sorts and anxious about the future - it would be strange not to feel worried about this.
   A weekly meeting is also where you can discuss what’s working around the house and what needs to be changed.  It will be a bit like posting an online review of a product. This will limit the day-to-day moaning about who’s hogging the bathroom or the family laptop - you’ll be able to simply remind everyone to raise it at the weekly meeting for discussion. As well as learning how to raise concerns in a more controlled way, this will teach your teen how to think about solutions and become a problem-solver too.

2. Exercise

   Regular exercise is one of the most effective ways to change brain chemistry quickly, so if your teen is really upset about something, I’d recommend saying ‘OK, let’s walk round the block and talk about it as we go’. So many of us discovered the benefits of walking outside in the fresh air during lockdown and it will good not to let this habit disappear from your routine completely.
   You can make it more interesting for teens by introducing walks in the dark to star-gaze or to look for nocturnal animals. Or if it’s really not possible to get out, then encourage them to do a 30 minute kitchen dance to their favourite music. Regular exercise is one of the most effective ways to change brain chemistry quickly, so if your teen is really upset about something this will help shuffle those thoughts around so they can think more clearly.
   

3. Mealtimes

   It’s not uncommon for teens to break away from regular mealtimes with perhaps a takeaway pizza on the sofa at a different time to everyone else. Family mealtimes help to make everyone feel connected, so try to do this as often as possible. Draw up a weekly menu in your family meetings and ensure everyone gets a turn to choose their favourite foods. When teens feel a part of the decision-making process, they’re more likely to be willing to take part in the preparation and cooking of it – and this has the added benefit of being a mindfulness activity. When your mind is fully engaged, you can’t be worrying about the future.
   Have a ‘good news only’ rule for mealtimes. Any squabbles or arguments should be saved for the weekly family meeting. Invite each person to share their highlights of the day – even if there were none to speak of, encouraging your mind to be creative and actively seek out the positive, keeps it healthy.
   

4. Have a laugh

   Laughter is also one of the quickest ways to activate a release of feelgood endorphins. Schedule a regular comedy movie night and ensure all news channels and other programmes are switched off for the evening.  Your teen will benefit from the closeness of a regular family activity and you can use your weekly meetings to give them an opportunity to come up with a list of films they’d like to watch.

You can read more useful tips and advice in my latest book: First Aid for your Child’s Mind

About the Author

Alicia Eaton is a Harley Street based Psychotherapist and Clinical Hypnotherapist and the author of four best-selling books. She’s also a Winner in the latest ‘Global Health & Pharma’ Mental Health Awards 2023. For more details of appointments see here: Consultations.